It's So Hard to Do the Right Thing

We were someplace with a play area again today. In the corner of the play area was a kid-sized basketball hoop with 4 red balls. There were at least 20 kids in the play area. Needless to say, all 4 balls were taken. Tyler really wanted a ball. He waited his turn and went to pick up a free one when someone was done. Right before his hand grabbed it, another kid snatched it away from him. (Earlier I had watched that same kid purposefully throw a ball and hit a girl in the head just to get her seat on the teeter-totter.) It wasn't fair. Tyler was understandably upset but didn't yell or even speak to the kid. Instead, he turned around and stole someone else's ball. I had been watching all this from across the room. When Tyler stole the ball, I hopped up to provide some guidance: "No, it wasn't right for the other kid to take your ball, but that doesn't make it ok for you to take someone else's. Just because someone is mean to us doesn't mean we can be mean to someone else." Tyler did the right thing. He gave the ball back and asked the kids if he could play, too. They said, "No." We were both frustrated. I finally convinced him to find something else to play with and he slouched off.

It's so frustrating to try to teach these guys to play by the rules when the other players won't follow the rules, too (and their "coaches" won't make them). Where are their parents - or why don't their parents care? It's also tough to watch someone mistreat your child, no matter how trivial the issue may be. The over-protective mothering instinct kicks in and I have to remind myself to behave like an adult.

Anyway, I went back to my seat to watch them play. I happened to be sitting next to the parents of the little boy whose ball Tyler had taken. They came with 3 boys. 2 of them were playing with the balls. A couple minutes later the boy without a ball came running over to his parents, complaining that no one would share a ball with him. This is what his father said to him: "Well, with this many people here, not everyone is going to get a ball. If you want one, you're going to have to get in there and fight for one. After someone throws it, jump in there and take it. I got your back. Get in there and fight for one." I was floored. I had just corrected my son so their son could have a turn (and in the process deprived my own son of a turn) and this was what he was teaching his kids?!! Had I heard him say this before Tyler took the ball, I wonder if I would have reacted the same way. I like to think I would have. Anyway, I realized I was standing there, incredulous, staring at them with my mouth hanging open. It was all I could do to keep words from coming out of that gaping space and felt it best to collect my kids and leave before making a scene.

It's so hard to do the right thing - whether you're 4 or 34!