Little Did I Know...

My last post was on New Year's Day. When I looked back at it today, it seems kind of prophetic that I wrote "So much of what has become “routine” for our family will change this coming year. We will celebrate some “lasts” and also some new “firsts” and hopefully lots of memorable moments in between those times. It will definitely be a year of change."

It is most definitely turning out to be a year of change. In January I meant it in relation to our kids continuing to grow up and pursue their dreams and goals, but now the change is so much broader. And it's not just for my little family. Everyone is suddenly faced with change, all to different extents.

Until last Monday, we knew what both kids needed to do to finish this school year. We knew where Tyler was going to college, when his senior prom and trip to Cedar Point would be, when his last high school band concert and graduation ceremony would be, when his party would be, where he would be working this summer. We knew how Danielle would be spending all her evenings this spring, when she would take the ACT test so she can take college classes in the fall, where we would be spending spring break, and had a good idea of where she stood regarding college recruiting. We had a plan to pay for college and were pretty confident our jobs were secure. And then, with one press conference, all of that clarity became fuzzy. For everyone, not just my family. Everything that anyone was certain of suddenly became questionable.

I have gone through so many emotions over the past week, just like everyone else has. The worst part is watching Tyler and Danielle deal with all the disappointments. All the missed opportunities, milestone moments, rights of passage, all the unknowns and "new normals". To say it's hard is an understatement. My heart hurts for them and for their classmates who are missing the same important moments.

I can't fix this. It's what parents want to do, but this one is out of my control. It is not out of God's control, though. He was not surprised or caught off guard by this. He still has a plan. A plan for me and for my family. The future is uncertain to me, but He can see the big picture. Despite the anxiety, this is what I am choosing to believe. God's goodness and authority is a constant in the uncertainty. That has to be enough right now.